c'est trivial: the french alligator

God

2009-02-02T12:37:00.001-08:00

Remember when I was so excited about the iPhone? Jeez. I feel so old now.

I almost did it...

2008-03-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

I almost went one whole year without a single post.

If you enjoy this blog you should subscribe via RSS--I feel bad if anyone is taking the time to type out this address only to find this post.

But, Google Reader is pretty awesome. For the last six months I haven't really been actually going to the websites I like. I just go to this one website. It also works well--like crushing obsession well on my iPhone.

Can This Blog Go On?

2007-11-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

Or rather, should it?

For at least one summer, maybe longer

2007-07-24T17:20:00.000-07:00

I thought people were saying "artistic" when they said "autistic" and "old timers" when they said "Alzheimer's."

Give me that Nokia E70!

2007-07-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd EVER be saying this, but I think I want a NOKIA! I used to have a NOKIA long ago... back when cell phones were novelty items and weighed as much as bricks. But, I think I really want this NOKIA E70. What?

That's right kind reader. Once I read this little thing I've linked below (thanks, L!) I feel so much better that MyPhone doesn't have to be an iPhone!

Read it!

I Shouldn't Have... No I Really Shouldn't Have...

2007-07-10T16:40:00.000-07:00

...touched that iPhone. I shouldn't have looked at the internet with it. I should have resisted turning the thing on it's side... I should have never flipped through the photos. I should have never, never, never touched it because I know I don't want it...

...I don't want it right now. It's better to wait. It's prudent to wait. Apple is bad with first generation things. I know that. I know about the limitations of the edge network. I know the battery life foible. I know that it's about $400 more than a really expensive phone. Do I even make enough calls to justify $600? Can the cost be quantified in calls alone? What about freakin' directions and crap? See? I should have NEVER touched it! God!

And yet...

I need a new phone. I need a new iPhone. Now every phone I see looks dumb and lame. But not as dumb and lame as MyPhone, the free jalopy that came with my service that doesn't even have a camera... that has a calendar as a major feature. Well, it is nice to know what day it is.

Do you know what else MyPhone DOESN'T do? It doesn't show your friend's face when they call. It also DOESN'T have a speakerphone. And, you can't SEE your voicemail on it either. And while you CAN go on the internet with it, it sucks. It doesn't looks like the REAL internet. God. Furthermore, I hate that stupid iPhone song. I hate it. I can't get it out of my head. Can a song be smug? I think so!

Have You Ever Had New Glasses Before?

2007-05-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

Day one totally fucking sucks! Can't see with 'em or without 'em.

Do you like hip-hop?

2007-05-25T08:42:00.001-07:00

If you do like hip-hop, you might want to check out this record. I think it's easily the best rap release of the year. Sure the lyrics are 100% egotistical bullshit--it is called "Jesus Price Superstar" after all, but the sampling, rhymes, and beats are sublime.

I still maintain

2007-05-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

I still maintain this blog and I still maintain that this song is one of the best ever written.

Bruce Springsteen, "Born to Run"

It's so subversive. It's still hard for me to imagine that New Jersey chose this as their state's anthem. But, I've never lived in New Jersey so what do I know.

What Do You Think?

2007-04-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

Refurbished? New? Titanium? Black? White? 15" or 17"?

OMG! I'm getting excited!!

After the Cheese Rush

2007-02-09T09:26:00.001-08:00

Last Sunday, that's right--Super bowl Sunday, after the party peeps went home, I checked in on something that I believe was made for me. So perfect it scares me:

That's right--I watched the whole thing!

Couldn't look away!

Well, You Wanna Woo-WOOOOO!

2007-01-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

Bay area, I still miss ya. Note the very end of this video that you've seen a billion times where that Camero swerves, blows the stop sign.... How fast are they going?

Ahhh... the wild Oakland west.

Update! Quick Question

2007-01-12T12:41:00.000-08:00

Should we just blame Conor Oberst for all these wacky-bad Emo bands? Or are there other guilty parties? I feel like Robert Smith is culpable but I have a hard time blaming him for anything other than Galore.

Further, how come they all sound the same? Like they're all from the same town in Nebraska. OMAHA*, I believe they call it.

My List of Wacky-bad Emo bands

Placebo
My Chemical Romance
Fall Out Boy
AFI (what does this stand for?)
30 Seconds to Mars

I am just curious as to whom I should address my letter-writing campaign.

*I thought it was Lincoln, but a stringer informs me it's Omaha, dummy. Whatever. I was close! This ain't the AP and shit!

Phone's for You

2007-01-10T09:44:00.000-08:00

Normally I don't care too much about gadgets--they're cool and all, but you know in the end, who really cares. I have an iPod, but a problem invaded it and now it doesn't work, doesn't pull up any of my precious songs. It remains a useless monument to a bygone era--that era being early 2005-late 2005. Thanks, Apple!

Anyway, today I took a look at the new iPhone and I am surprised to say that I really, really must have one of those.

Not that I spend a whole lot of time texting, surfing the internet remotely, or watching videos on my iPod (see above). I also don't like the term, "handheld device." But, tantalized by the opportunity to do all of the above and more (you can do conference calls and it has a speaker phone!*) stuff in one handy little contraption, and I have to admit that I'm lead by the nose! Especially when I was considering buying a new iPod... why not have it all? Even though I recently acquired (thanks, Hamlice!) a similar piece of Apple mechanics that broke, no, DIED only months after it was broughten to me.

P.S. Children of Men is really good. You should go see it.

*I'm still impressed by this kind of technology. Ever since the 7th grade.

Today Was a Good Day

2007-01-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

Good Cause

2007-01-04T09:48:00.000-08:00

Check out this craft charity auction that benefits the family of James Kim, who died in the Oregon wilderness this past November. There's lots of beautiful stuff and it's a nice way to help the family.

Take a look.

2007 Predictions

2006-12-29T15:36:00.000-08:00

Here's a list of things I predict will happen in the oh seven. Not quite resolutions, more like hunches I have about myself. For fun, I'll check back this time next year and see if my astute predictions came true! So, in 2007, chances are I'll be...

Either giving up TV all together (Netflix too) OR I'm opting in for the Premium cable, the TiVo, and the HDTV set. Either way. Something's got to give.
Beginning to consider celery. Right now I'm convinced it's useless--could change in 11 months' time!
Getting back into popcorn. Made the mistake of eating a big bag at the last James Bond movie. Salt was not at a premium.
Taking more pictures so that my posts are more interesting.
Travelling to California--a few towns in particular.
Trying the stirrup jean, for it keeps things where they should be and sounds so hideous.
Upgrading from Chicago Manual of Style Volume 15 to Volume 16. It's time.
Getting into Oprah's workshop. I was locked out last year. How'm I ever gonna live my best life now?
Travelling to the Caribbean
Adding no new pets.

Puppetry by Jerome

2006-12-20T08:55:00.000-08:00

Since I don't know French I can't really understand what's happening here except for that I assume this puppeter is beloved throughout France and is receiving a lifetime acheivement award for his talent.

jerome murat

Top Beers of 2006: Annotated and not-annotated

2006-12-08T19:49:00.000-08:00

As I posted over on American Beerman (pronounced "Ahh-muri-kin Beer-mun"), these are my top beers for the year. I mean, the ones I can remember! Ohhkay?

5. Heineken. I got really into Heineken this year.

4. Manny's: Fun to order, b/c everyone thinks you’re saying, "Yeah, I'll have the mayonnaise."

3. Stella Artois: Everywhere and anywhere

2. Guinness in London: I thought it would’ve been more exciting, but alas, it was just pretty fucking good!

1. Estrella Damm: Drinking this light lager throughout Barcelona was the best beer experience this year

That's a Barcelonan beer!

Pictures from Our Trip to Barcelona

2006-11-30T22:01:00.000-08:00

People. We Almost Died

2006-11-30T21:27:00.000-08:00

You've heard the story. A Russian spy dies, poisoned by radioactive material.

Poisoned by radioactive material.

Seems he took some British Airways planes from Moscow to London during the end of October through to early November. Meanwhile his body was secreting radioactivity into the plane, into the passengers in the plane. And some of these planes took a route through Athens and Barcelona. You might recall that there's a couple you know who took a trip to Barcelona not too long ago.

The British Airways planes have been grounded and tested. And it was a good idea that we changed our flight from Nov. 4 to Nov. 2 because folks, that's one of the planes that tested positive for radioactive material.

What are the chances?

What are the ramifications?

Sometimes I stand right in front of the microwave at work.

Sometimes I imagine a irrational tumor growing inside of me that's the actual size of my body.

And, that's very silly.

Current Learnings

2006-11-28T19:13:00.001-08:00

Texas is not so bad. The high priestess and Hamlice von Baggavon took to the skies this thanksgiving and traveled through Houston (very scary!) and made it all the way to southern Texas--let's just call it Mexico. Or, we can call it...

South Padre Island: A playground for the cold and sun-deprived; the perfect place for us. Picture this: Someone asks you to go to Texas for a very important reason--let's call it OFFICIAL BUSINESS. You accept but you have pause, you will be entering god's country. You have your own ideas of what's going to go down; you're half right and half wrong. I call these "the learnings."

This is where we stayed.

Now, for the learnings:

Texas
1. Texas is not so bad, especially if you stick very close to the Gulf of Mexico. No more than one mile away at any point--you are safe.
2. Not a lot of big hair in this part of Texas
3. A lot of vegetarian food on the buffet in this part of Texas
4. People were nice
5. You could swim up to the bar, and that makes everything OK
6. In Texas, there are no sharks in the water that can bite off your face.

Border Towns
1. Border towns are depressing and should be avoided at all costs

Overnight flights during peak-operating holiday times
1. Overnight flights or "red-eyes" should be avoided at all times.
2. Tricking yourself into thinking you might sleep on the plane is escapist behavior
3. It is impossible to sleep sitting up in a chair
4. It is impossible to sleep sitting up in a chair with your knees jammed into the seat in front of you (but we all know this)
5. You cannot sleep if every muscle in your body is tensed in reaction to extended perilous turbulence*

Things I Already Knew (and hold dear) or, the Truths
1. As you enter the ocean, don't balk at how unlike bathwater it is. Find a wave and dive into it.
2. Getting away without having to wear shoes or pants in November is sublime.
3. Calypso just sounds better if you're in a pool, or a hot tub.
4. Always get the movie on the plane unless it's "Little Man" starring Marlon Wayans.

We're in here somewhere.

*Remember this: There is always turbulence. It always starts and it always stops and nothing ever happens.

I Have Been Waiting for This for So Long

2006-11-15T15:04:00.000-08:00

Let the wireless electricity stampede BEGIN! This article, I don't really understand, but I get that the people at MIT are trying to figure out a way to recharge stuff wirelessly.

Let it come soon. I am so SICK of cords! Can you imagine the possibilities???

Another Thought

2006-11-08T13:15:00.000-08:00

Nancy Pelosi (I got to vote for her once!) is THIRD in line in the succession line for the presidency! The first woman to hold such a high position. I only just realized this.

Hee hee!

2006-11-08T12:32:00.000-08:00

so happy to be released!

I'm Not in Spain Anymore...

2006-11-06T17:01:00.000-08:00

...but I am in pain! Not really. But I am very sleepy--a kind of tiredness that you feel in your back. Y'all feelin' me? I've been through some time zones, people!

Hmm... so MUCH has happened since we last spoke, Dear Diary! For starters, I got married to a baron named Hamlice von Bozomeat, and naturally I'm keeping my name! What a whirlwind--seeing everyone you love for what seemed like a few minutes and then WHOOSH! Off to a fascinating part of Europe known as Barcelona and then just like that, another WHOOSHING has me back in the saddle doing something called blogging. WHOOSH!

Here's one highlight of the trip. There will be plenty more to come. There I was with my bethroth'd in 80-degree weather on the Mediterranean in a coastal town called Sitges.

A mid-sized, luxury American baron--a friend of Spanish cats

The Baroness von Trivial

Who Am I?

2006-09-26T11:56:00.000-07:00

Clues:

The American University
growing up in a Christian/Arab household
never went to college
conversation
Spasmodic dysphonia
Kaleidoscope

Kittens

2006-09-20T16:52:00.000-07:00

Belong on kittens. Not shoes.

I've HAD it with these kitten heels. Yes, they're certainly cute enough. But! They're also dorky and they break... They break A LOT!

For instance, why aren't these boots just flat?

Make a choice, shoes.

From now on, you're either full on heels:

or you're flat:

No more of this namby-pamby in betweeeniness.

We need demonstrative heels.

Thanks.

Only kidding, shoes! Don't take it personal!

Some of My Favorite Things

2006-08-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

A good book
The warmth of friends
A snuggly bowl of soup after a long day trudging around in the rain
Puppy dogs!
Explaining in English things you do with computers
Dry skin: can't get enough
National Parks
Wood

News Roundup

2006-08-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

Bob Dylan says modern music is worthless. But what about the Wallflowers?

Meanwhile, the Pope says take a goshdarned vacation, already.

OK! You don't have to tell me twice, ol Pontif old guy!

This Kid Really Takes the CAKE

2006-08-22T15:03:00.000-07:00

I wish I'd thought of this, since I love the News Hour SO MUCH.

There's this kid who loves the News Hour even more so much that he wanted a News Hour-themed birthday party.

Can you believe his gumption? His forsight? His ability to party down?

It just gets cuter: The News Hour staff heard about this kid, who like, can't go to sleep without listening to the NH podcast, all signed his birthday card for him. Look at his tiny little Jim Lehrer bday party hat. Classic! And there's the whole happy gang on his cake.

I just blogged to say...

2006-08-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

that I think Cinnamon gum smells like Christmas time.

Doesn't that make you feel all warm and snuggly!

Christmas!

Try it on your own:

When you're down and you have a list of endless, boring tasks in front of you, whip out a nice slice of cinnamon gum. MMMMM! It's like the holly's hocked and the lights are all a-twinkle all at once. Immediately!

I am SO into this right now

2006-08-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

And this

Where's my drink?

I'm very interested in

2006-08-15T10:58:00.000-07:00

THIS!

Someone's Birthday Is Coming

2006-08-14T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm just sayin'...

But

I'm not sayin' who!

thirty-two. thirty-two. thirty-two.

I've spoken to the bear's owner and he is not very pleased at all

2006-08-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

Guess what one half of team P.A.N.D.A. told me.

It seems that someone in charge at a Children's Museum in England decided to hire a dog as a security guard... to the complete peril of the items he was responsible for securing.

Security guard Barney has destroyed a collection of rare teddy bears worth over $900,000, including one that was once owned by America's Elvis Presley.

Whoever hires a dog to watch teddy bears should expect a mauling.

I wonder how it all started. Did one fall off the shelf and startle Barney? Had Barney been planning this all along, for months?

You know, they're calling it a massacre.

Reporters have such a wry sense of humor.

A security guard at the museum, Greg West, said he spent several minutes chasing Barney before wrestling the dog to the ground.

I think he's sorry.

Will this stop the museum from hiring other dogs? From dog discrimination?

Apparently, no:

"We have asked the security firm not to send us that dog again," Mr Medley said. "I really don't want to see anything bigger than a Jack Russell."

I'm Late to This But

2006-07-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

I have found a new way to kill 2 minutes.

ZeFrank!

It Didn't Happen

2006-07-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

Sad really, but the Digable Planets show was cancelled due to a rumored lack of ticket sales. I guess the show was sold out on Friday night, but undersold on Thursday, so they scrapped the whole thing. Still trying to understand the logic of the unsold show, and the cancelling bit, and I did hear this kind of secondhand, so maybe it's just a big rumor.

Anyway, DP is the best and their Blowout Comb is one of the hallmarks of hiphop... a CD I bought twice because I literally wore out the first copy I had. The album still sounds relevant today, 10, 12, 15 ? years later.

Here's a great, short article in the paper about their possible comeback. I hope they come back here someday! Interestingly, though they've made Brooklyn their home, one member is actually from Seattle.

Accuweather Jpeg Provides Insta-Blogging

2006-07-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

Who's Beryl?

Wait... What?

2006-07-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

Did you know?

Washington state is the new Canada. It is about 60 degrees here today.

UPDATE:
One day later, it is still not hotter than a hot spring day.

Question:

2006-07-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

Will they ever stop analyzing the '60s?

Mem'ries

2006-07-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

On the occasion of me and D rescuing some kitties in my backyard, I remember one particular kitty (R.I.P.) who once, when no one was looking, ate an entire dozen doughnuts. It was incredible to imagine--a cat eating doughnuts--a real-life Garfeld, and yet he framed himself, especially with the powdered-sugar mouthfur.

I would have kept one of these little white puffball kittens, if I wasn't already saving all my love for a coupla dudes named Deranged'o and Lupus.

Not to mention that three pets to two humans drastically puts out of balance the human to pet ratio. I can't be outnumbered.

Did You Know...

2006-07-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

...that 80% of statistics are made up?

Back to... All that Damn Blackberry

2006-07-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

I learned from a friend this weekend that there is no good way (besides poison) to get rid of blackberry. He says you cannot burn the brambles since they emit little spores that can launch a taproot from any location. Like, it could decide to take root in the forsythia. Wrong.

I also learned that digging them out is the only way to get rid of them and then you have to be extra careful because of the spores.

I thought it was funny when I moved here last year and saw people gathering blackberries near the I-5 in the U-district and near the IKEA out in Renton. There is some use for these things and apparently some kind of following. If they only saw the damage I did yesterday. All those precious berries--still white on the vine. Well they're dead now.

But--they're nasty--some of spiky arms were like three inches in diameter! And somehow one tine managed to leave a healthy scratch on my Achilles heel. How befitting...

While Looking for Dr. Dog Videos

2006-06-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

on youtube, I came across this, and I'm thankful. So thankful.

It's a Little Precious, But...

2006-06-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

As it turns out, I like Devendra Banhart. I resisted his music for no good reason. HMS Pinafore-Ham-Vonlice bought that Oh Me Oh My long ago, and I just never listened to it.

Sure... the lyrics and worbly voicings are a bit cringeworthy, but isn't it high time that I stop getting so worked up and embarrassed by music? I'm fucking 30 for christ's ever-used sake. I think he'll probably mature into a really great songwriter, instead of a guy who's kind of scary and might jump out of the bushes at you--that's how I used to perceive him--kind of acid-soaked and persistently asking for change. There's a lot of that going on in my beloved ex-city home, San Francisco. Note to SF: I really, really miss you, but it's better this way--we're doing better apart.

Anyway, I like what he's doing on the more straight-forward Cripple Crow. He's taking pages from the American music encyclopedia, so we get some Beatles-esque pop and some do-wop ditties too. And the folk is the root.

Relatedly, I once met some of those Vetiver guys. They're very nice. These sentences, this idea, were/is only, just related, though.

I also like David Sylvian.

Cute Overlords

2006-06-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

Damn them!

I Missed it I Know

2006-06-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

Missed what? Good quality? Good taste?

No. Just this week's edition of Where Did It Come From. Settle down. It's here. Yesterday I couldn't find one.

I give ye, the Open Toed Boot.

Origin: Unknown.

And, as it turns out, all this damn blackberry is from the darkest reaches of hell, well, that's one variety. The other variety is from Him-aliya. Thanks to Madeline Albright (I wish you were still secretary of state) for pointing that out.

Title It: "More Fun Than MySpace"

2006-06-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

A step beyond just googling yourself, is to make collages of who you think you might resemble, and also sneak a picture of yourself in there too! Just to throw 'em off the scent!

They don't call it my blog for nothing!

Butt seriously, whom, or shall I say who, do you resemble?

Here's a little pictorial to get you started.

Right...

My Parents Had a Good Time in Seattle

2006-06-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

That is until they were brutally kidnapped, against their will...

Here's the kidnapper:

And forced to cross a floating bridge to Snoqualmie Falls.

Yes!

No!

No tribulation is worse than this!

Butt seriously, doesn't it look like they're in a third world since they're so crammed into the little backseat of my car? I made them act scared, they obliged. They're good people.

Later, they insisted on having crab for dinner.

Demanding!

I didn't say no even though I don't have appropriate tools to de-shell crabs; we used needle-nosed pliers. Worked well!

Also, my refrigerator has never been so full. It was all loaded with things that we never buy like Diet Pepsi or Smirnoff Ice, which inexplicably, was pretty good. Tasted like vodka and Fresca.

In other news, the dogs are getting along much better now.

And, someone is ready for their close up! This is a tough little lime tree that my good pal Binulatti gave me. See how it is growing? It is a happy little man.

One More Thing

2006-06-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

Black Mountain? Yep. I like it. It is like the Royal Trux lives.

A good thing.

A very good thing.

Thanks!

If I Ever Make a Country Album

2006-06-23T09:29:00.001-07:00

I'd like this to be one of the on-tour pictures.

Love,
C'est

P.S.
Don't be fooled. This
is a rapscallion.

It Shouldn't Matter, But It Doesn't

2006-06-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

Where Did It Come From

2006-06-20T14:38:00.000-07:00

Where Did It Come From? Last week I decided that I'd post on Tuesdays about Where Did It Come From. That's where it came from f0lks.

Feel ripped off?

OK. Here's the real Where Did It Come From post:

All this damned Blackberry!

Europe? South America? SPACE?

Anyone? Anyone?

Open ended, dramatic, searing... SEARCHING!

Where? Did? It? Come? From?

What Headphones Are For

2006-06-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

1. Guarding yourself from hearing yourself crunch really loud Cheetos (not spicy).
2. Protecting yourself from hearing OTHER PEOPLE crunch Doritos really loudly.

NO OTHER USES!

You Would Not Think So

2006-06-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

The combination of raisins and peas is pretty good.

Do You Have Trouble Sleeping?

2006-06-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

With a great deal of drowsiness, I will admit that I had a hard time sleeping last night. I wandered through some dream about a perilous ghost of Louis XIV who was haunting the parlor that's right off the broad mahogany banister leading up to our great room.

My reality house resembles this only very remotely--like how ants resemble dogs: legs, heads... hearts--and I remember thinking that in the dream, that is the bit about the house, not the canine-insect connection.

It's been very humid here in Seattle, and likewise an insect's playground. Not for long though. Soon the July 4th-promised dryness will overtake them. But until then, they abound unthwarted--I'm afraid of chemical pesticide. This is the most dastardly of them all (besides wolf spiders).

They call 'em silverfish, though there's hardly anything silver about them. I can see the fish part. They are malicious invaders, call them what you will, I'll stick to that. I do not like them.

First Edition of Where Did it Come From?

2006-06-13T16:15:00.000-07:00

Tuesday afternoons are now devoted to posts that ask the age-old question, Where Did it Come From wherein, I ask and you tell. Inagaural post on topic: (IPOT)

The word Cattywhompus (kattywhompus), phonetically spelled for violence.

Meaning:
I used the context clues when I heard it to figure that this means "totally jacked."

Can you use it in a sentence?

The table I made for you was going to be nice until the wood split and it turned all cattywhompus on me.

Favorite Frase F'said by Father

2006-06-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

The topic?
Grocery stores.
The man?
My father--he's on vacation with my mother here in Wallingford.

The utterance when he couldn't recall the name of that grocery store that sells the really dark chocolate at a good price?

Dad: "You know the one, it's near Staples and the Men's Wearhouse... "
Me: "Safeway?
Dad: "No, that's not it."
Me: "Giant?"
Dad: "No--near our house and Old Navy."
Me: "Fresh Fields?"
Dad: "No... [with rising frustration, but still a good sense of humor] the Boys."
Me: "The boys... Dean and Deluca?"
Dad: "NO!"
Me: "Whole Foods Market???"
Dad: "NO!"
Me: "Trader Joe's?"
Dad: "YESSS!"

There you have it people. Trader Joe's. Organized in my father's brain as "The Boys."

That's what I'm calling it from now on, anyway.

I Don't Know About You, But...

2006-06-01T15:05:00.000-07:00

I'm sad that the News Hour's theme song has changed. And the background. Jeez. At least Gwen Ifil's still there. Hang on Gwen! And the Real Ray Suarez. I'm glad about that!

Anyway, I love Jim Lehrer.

Hi, Jim!

Hey, Gwen!

A Fridge with a View

2006-06-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

Christ. You asked. It's a boring list.

2006-05-31T10:10:00.000-07:00

5 items in my fridge
1. Sake
2. Muffins de ingles
3. Peany butty!
4. Anchovy paste
5. A refrigerator thermometer-barometer.

5 items in my closet
1. Two pairs of cowboy boots, bought off-a eBay, both fit terribly
2. Several scarves
3. My ninth grade prom dress: Gold Sequins
4. One jumbo box of tampons: Menstruation, yo!
5. A fabric shaver. Believe it.

5 items in my car
1. Clothing for the clothing drive
2. Flares, fuckers!
3. Red Hash
4. Steering wheel
5. Rearview mirror. Very important.

5 items in my purse
1. A pair of headphones, but no iPod
2. Mints
3. My passport because I haven't renewed my DL. Shit. And buying alcohol is a lot like traveling to a foreign country.
4. Sunglasses that are so cheap, they sound cheap. Not just look cheap. Oh no.
5. Instant hand sanitizer. Bird Flu, mutherfuckers!

5 people who are now tagged
1. Dead blog #1
2. Dead blog #2
3. Dead blog #3
4. Dead blog #4
5. Dead blog #5

After Even Living Nearby, I Never Knew Until Now

2006-05-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

Apparently, the SF "neighborhood" known as the Tenderloin is named so because back in the day the police were paid so much more to cover its mean streets that they could afford a tenderloin sandwich.

I always thought it had something to do with the tender young boys and girls and bois who are often calling for companionship. Or the way that drugz can make your teeth and gums kind of tender.

Alright. I Give In

2006-05-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

Governor? Fuck. Mayor! Greg Nickels has great nipples.

HB = Heeb... ha-ha: Hamlice is a halfer.

This is the new band. Harvard Beef

Adverb Fever

Secret, Coded Rejoinders

2006-05-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

Governor Great Nipples

and

Harvard Beef

Record Abortions

2006-05-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

No, not a record-breaking number of abortions. Rather, records that made it into this world but that really should've been aborted.

I was discussing this with Hamlice as the Microphones' record It Was Hot We Stayed in the Water blared away in the background in our pretty hot apartment yesterday afternoon. A bit of background: It has been hot here in this wonky little burg, something that's rare and lovely. H had made a peanut-sauce-chicken-noodle-spicy thing and, like I said, we were eating, talking, and dammit that record was really distracting. Typically I like this record. It's a shitty basement recording, but I feel like the Mt.Eerie guy knows what he's doing--even when he's bringing marching band drums to the mix. And, Mirah, she's pretty capable, and I like how her voice sounds soft and spare and sweet. During this scene, I almost forgot to water the new pumpkin plant that I planted behind our apartment. I'd already left it three days in blaring 75-degree sun. I found it barely holding on. It had grown, but it was waning and yellow. I planted it near the massive, inedible rhubarb bush and I hope that the two will mingle and maybe get to know one another. I got freaked out by my environmental footprint the other day and realized via the Internet that if everyone lived like me we'd need 4.5 earths.

That's a lot of earths!

The city is willing to sell us a $200 compost system for a measly $40. So soon we will do this and have racoon babies living in the rhubarb.

Have you ever met a full-grown raccoon, one late afternoon that's just-a bleeding into the night?

Anyway, there are a whole swath of records that aren't just lo fi, that should've been stopped during the recording process in the damp basements of Olympia, the hothouses of midwest, the high-rent indie-rock producing studios in the Northeast, and the California's answer to it's absent basements: the practice space.

More: I like lo fi. I like the Aerial Pink records I've heard. I like hi-fi, too. But, I don't like these records.

On Avery Island

Michigan

Note: This blog is now completely devoted to things I don't like. Why, you might ask am I giving these things I don't enjoy such prominence?
Note2: At first I thought this list was going to be really long and say a lot, but I got tired.

Elimination Notes

2006-05-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

Dining out is a human treat, with a dim caveat: public restrooms--unless you can hold it. Often I'm unable. In the process I'm not only delighted by convenience but equally so when I find little notes of explanation for subpar, underperforming facilities.

Please hold handle down until bowl empties. Thanks, Mgmt.

It is good that the management has signed this toilet missive. Otherwise we would be unsure of it's authenticity and might do something even worse to the bowl than empty it. Is there anyone who still needs to know whom these letters are from? Isn't it implicit?

They remain over and over signed by the management, as a qualifier. You are safe in thinking that no, that the table across from you isn't playing a unfunny joke on you. No. We are satisfied knowing this is from a known entitiy, the management. Faceless and authoritarian. And, paralyzingly cheap: hence the note itself.

Is My Crunching That Loud?

2006-05-11T13:30:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I wonder because it is so loud in my head. I know my head is like a sound conductor and I have no objectivity on the matter. What does it matter.

Spicy Cheetos, not that I eat them, but they're becoming the prized contraband of so many 5th graders across the nation.

They said, "Follow the teenaged girls--they know what good music is" and sure enough in the front row of any great band there are throngs of them. They said, "Follow the gay men to the next up and coming soon-to-be gentrified neighborhood--you'll get a sweet place for cheap and soon, it will be the center of the city" that turns out to be true as well.

Now exhausted from this set up, I say, follow the fifth graders of the nation as they lead us to the latest in addictive capsaicin-loaded extruded cheese snacks. But, be careful, you eat the whole bag, you run the risk of the runs and your booty might be burnin'!

A Band That Is Good, Underated, and Annoying

2006-05-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

is
.

A band that is annoying and overrated, though inexplicably critically acclaimed is

.

It's a fact!

Dear Unconcious Gabi,

2006-05-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

Please stop grinding your teeth at night because the dentist has informed me that the mouth guard you need is $500, and I really can't afford that right now.

Thanks,
Waking Gabi

I'm Embarrassed to Say

2006-05-01T13:05:00.000-07:00

That I really, really, really love this record:

I know. It's like a million indie years old. But, I'm thirty now, and I can't be expected to be on the pulse of things anymore. Like I ever was, fuckwads!

Feeling Quite Like

2006-04-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

A thugish ruggish bone today. Could be because it's nearly the first of the month.

Some Old Ideas and Morals

2006-04-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

First, the ideas.

1. You should start a blog so I have something to read. Don't you worry about me?
2. Three faucets standard: hot, cold, beer. (So National Lampoon!)

Now, on to the morals.

Here's this very scientific test that someone found on the Internet. Moral Politics Test. You can take the long or the short version. I scored pretty idealistically, as in Socialist with Extreme Socialist leanings.

Ever since finding this out I've been launched into the kind of despair that Kierkegaard wrote about (kidding, I've never read Kierkegaard, but I was an English major, so I, like, gleaned things). I have these moral leanings, but I act in ways that aren't quite in step those thoughts. And, dammit, that makes me sad for myself, for my own natural contradiction. Dichotomies are natural.

Seems most people think as idealistically as I do, too. And most conservatives don't take the moral matrix Internet quiz. These are the overall results:

How do you score?

Deja Vu

2006-04-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

Deja Vu
Deja Vu
Deja Vu
Deja Vu

Music Is Frustrating

2006-04-25T10:07:00.001-07:00

I have a broken iPod. iPardon me, but this thing keeps skipping. If I ask it to play a song it might. It's problem befuddled the Apple people and I wasn't about to stick around on a sunny day to elbow in at the Genius bar. It remains an expense make-up mirror. I have a feeling that I'll be getting a new iPod than repairing this one, since it costs the same.

How it even broke is mysterious.

At home the blown speakers (one blown, the other cone eaten by a certain dog) are in the hospital. Should they have just been shot and replaced with a new pair?

I know how the speakers were blown.

Now the white brother of my iPod is rigged up to the Tivoli radio. (Note: This is a very good piece of equipment. It rivals any tabletop radio I've ever heard.) I am afraid the speaker's driver will give way because I need to crank it sometimes.

In the car, the CD player is on the fritz. It was rejecting all but on M83 CD. And now it is rejecting that one. Radio is bad everywhere but I really hate it.

One day it just ceased.

The only place I can listen to music right now is where it is the most distracting. At work. A few weeks ago I got some new cans. Now everything sounds terrific: Warren Olney, the iTunes.

Music Is Frustrating

2006-04-25T10:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks In Advance

2006-04-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

In advance of what?

The Past

2006-04-20T10:56:00.000-07:00

Once I was the only person I knew who liked Dinosaur Jr. People laughed!

And, as a youth I never got into Pavement.

How Many E-mails?

2006-04-19T15:01:00.000-07:00

Or rather, how many e-mail addresses? I have six. But I won't divulge them here.

I check them all (except for two) very infrequently, and when I do there' s always something that I left behind. Some blogger webstats, something from John Kerry, something from a long ago missed friend. It's a dead letter office. All messages sanitized of their urgency, unlike all their other digital brothers. They're just sitting and waiting until I remember to check that e-mail address I used to complete the survey that gave me free long distance.

Likewise is the dead blog. I'm not checking these anymore, they are dead. Dead before they began. Aborted, even.

He Says Things, But He's Wrong

2006-04-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

It is actually I who am THE DECIDER. And, it is me (along with Hill) who makes the decisions. See:

Short Long Weekend in Florida Recap

2006-04-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

I was in Florida for my cousin's wedding. Here's what the pool looked like after a team (me included) of people blew up a million balloons under the sweltering sun:

I had a really good time and got to see a lot of my family.

My dad likes to tell stories.

.

I even got to meet my cousin's kid, the Littlest Lobbyist. Does that make me his second cousin? Either way, he's a darling and will probably be president one day:

This Is a Good Album!

2006-04-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

What a Way to Die!

2006-04-04T15:43:00.000-07:00

Of water poisoning.

This Literally Just Happened to Me. Literally.

2006-03-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

I just, without trying spelled archipelago correctly.

I don't know how to pronounce it.

ArchEEEpelaaaaygo?

ArKEYPEEELago?

An Old Favorite

2006-03-31T11:57:00.000-08:00

hi!

A Band That Is Overrated and Underrated

2006-03-29T11:53:00.000-08:00

is R.E.M.

Hobos? No!

2006-03-28T13:16:00.000-08:00

There are huge spiders here in the NW that can gnaw your insides out from the outside IN!

Upon this grave bad news that I just heard, I am moving to Greenland. Ha-ha! They fooled us last time, but this time it'll work: I'm looking for a place that's-a all covered in ICE, where nary a hobo spider will try to take residence.

Carefully: It is a hobo. It has no affinity. It can claim capture to the soft inner-thigh kingdom annexed in your pantleg (God save us with tighter pants!) and just (like you might remember) gnaw your insides out from the outside IN!

New Favorite Phrase Overheard at Work

2006-03-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

I'm scratching my mind to try and figure this out.

A contemporary classic!

Science Corner!

2006-03-17T10:59:00.000-08:00

This thing freaks me out!

I read about it on Gawker and now I'm simply frightened by the thought of rummaging in the kitchen (see? more domesticity) for a pasta-boiling pot and moving the salad spinner and lo, spotting this fucking fuzzy lobster right before it lunges at my face!

But. It is blind.

New Purchases That I Feel Silly for Never Buying Before

2006-03-14T17:21:00.000-08:00

Fabric shaver: gets the fuzz off stuff

DustBuster: totally busts dust

If you don't have these items, you might just be less domestic than me. And, that would probably be the first time. Still, two now can't-live-without items.

Inspired by one DR.*

*Pseudonyms protect the innocent. Never forget.

2006-03-08T10:28:00.000-08:00

I'm sick. I have a cold. I'm feeling under the weather. Achy. Irritable. I can feel my throat. Glands? Swollen. Hunger is at a maximum.

But, I really hope Santino wins Olympus Fashion week on the best show in America: Project Runway. It's just so killer. Better than Barney Miller and Taxi combined!

That's all.

A New High in Internet

2006-03-02T14:11:00.000-08:00

http://rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnhhhh.blogspot.com

Question

2006-03-01T13:51:00.000-08:00

I feel like the idea was much more successfully executed by Ms. Marshall. Especially, "The Greatest" and "Love and Communication."

I wonder if they know each other.

VOTE!

Mack?! Come Back!

2006-02-27T13:12:00.000-08:00

Just...like... Uniblab, robotic kickin' flab
My flavor be the badder
chitter-chatter
Madder than the Mad Hatter
I bet you my shit come out fatter
got the data
to turn your body into antimatter
And just like a piece of sizzlean
you'll fit inside my stomach
with the eggs and grits between 
The King is what I mean
I mean
my man get a cup
and put some change inside your hand
Now hold up,
let's make this official
everybody let's agree that M.C.'s need a tissue
The funk's my only issue,
I bet your mama miss you
and I bet the Mack take off like an M.X. missile
No more of your whining
on the charts climbing
as I make the funk
kickin' out more harder than a diamond
And if you didn't know who's rhyming
I guess I'm gonna say Craig Mack
with perfect timing

..you won't be around next year
My rap's too severe, kickin' mad flava in ya ear


Here comes the brand new flava in ya ear
            
I'm kickin' new flava in ya ear



Craig Mack
1000 degrees
You'll be on your knees
and you'll be burnin', beggin' please
Brother FREEZE!
Man's indisputed
and deep-booted
funk smoke that leaves your brains booted
This bad M.C.
with stamina like Bruce Jenner
the winner
Tasting M.C.'s for dinner
You're crazy like that glue 
to think that you
could out-do
my one-two
that's sick like the flu
BOY, I flip
BOY all the time, 'cause
BOY, the rhyme you're kickin'
ain't worth a dime
Seems like there's no competition
in this rap world expedition
You come around,
I'll knock you out [of] position 
No flav
could ever dig a grave
for the Mack
the power pack
in black
makin' cement crack

..and here comes the brand new flava in ya ear
Mack's the brand new flava in ya ear

HAAAAAAA!
The Mack's dope
With more hope than your Pope
but for M.C.'s more knots than rope
I'd like to break it down
down-breakin'
forsaken
lords of M.C.'s shakin
with this track that my man's makin'
M.C.'s will run like a bomb threat
I bet   
or better yet
make you sweat
Gettin' hotter than the sun get 
Craig Mack is the flav that romps
from here to Tibet 
I break all rules
with my action
that the Mack sends
to M.C.'s stop relaxin'
This brand new Sherrif that's in town's
gettin' down
leavin' bodies buried in the ground 
I set up rhymes for a decoy
To off a bad boy      
Watch the M.C.'s I destroy and...

here comes the brand new flava in ya ear
Mack's the brand new flava in ya ear

I am having a love affair

2006-02-24T13:31:00.000-08:00

It happens everytime someone sends me an e-mail with all the names (or is it just to me? I'll never know!) in the bcc line.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

SO much mystery. Why? Who are these other people. Are there other people? The thinking behind this way of living can only be:

You can't know who else I'm sending this to because you will laugh
You're the only one I'm sending this to and I wish to make you feel important
You are also sending this to Charles Manson and you think if I ever found out that I won't be friends with you anymore

(You better bully believe it. I'd drop your ass like a slippery glass.)

No matter though. I love all three reasons. I am in love with communication methods.

You Might Already Know

2006-02-23T10:29:00.000-08:00

But, it is worth reiterating for the possible unititiated, Talk Talk is a fucking awesome band.

1. The Colour of Spring
2. Laughing Stock

As is sometimes the case, for me they bridge that slippery slope of needs where I want to hear Peter Gabriel.

Guess what else? There's a new record out now that I'm very interested in. But, it's not by Talk Talk. I'm sorry.

Guess

2006-02-23T10:13:00.000-08:00

What I'm doing this weekend.

Is it

gambling
basking in the sun
some early spring cleaning
finding a new gum brand

???????????????????????????????????????????
No.

I'm doing this.

From dawn to dusk people. FROM DAWN UNTIL DUSK.

My Accent

2006-02-20T15:00:00.000-08:00

One and won are different. Won sounds almost like wan. Wan sounds like wand without the last d.

And, more: Milk, not melk. Bag not beg. Shedyule, not schedule. Nip nip, not napkin.

I Just Did a Complete 360

2006-02-15T12:09:00.000-08:00

Secret #1: Food-Related

2006-02-09T12:39:00.000-08:00

I only eat salad because you can't put salad dressing on bread!

Top 3 Dressings of My Lifetime

3. Goddess
2. Oil and Balsamic Vinegar
1. Honey Mustard

3 is all you get. Love it or leave it!