Good Gift!

Here's something that I am avowedly not good at: giving gifts. I know what I want, but I have a harder time figuring out what you want. You've been on the receiving end of my urgent grasping tribulations in say, BestBuy, last minute. You've also gotten tube socks and a box of mallow pies. There are a few of you out there who have gotten a carton of cigarettes. It is practical (if you smoke) but so unromantic. Heck. Sometimes you've only gotten the promise of a gift. And then, no gift.

But what do you want? What is it that you don't already have? You pretty much have it all: cellphones, cars, stereos, posters. I cannot think of what else to give you. I simply cannot fly around the planet like superman, reverse time, infiltrate and sabotage the Karl Rove machine, tie up Bush and make him concede the election on Nov. 1.

Do you like electronics? Dolls? Witches and trucks only? A new sweater? How about a book? Music heals all ailments, right? Or maybe you need an electric can opener. Or some kind of organizational tool. A bouquet of balloons? Baboons?

Help out. You all know what I want. But this is not about me. We'll make an online pact: no shearling for me and no shearling for you. Just some tickets to a certain talk show.