TV

It's Christmastime in Virgina, which means many things, especially television watching. So here are some great highlights from the best television programs I've been watching for the last 84 hours straight.

Celebrity Fit Club: It is addictive. I literally had to turn the television off in order to extricate myself from its devilish hold. Creative too, especially in the use of the word "celebrity" and "club." The club only lasts about 90 days, not anywhere near long enough for people to actually make a significant change in their lives. So, they lose 15 pounds. Anyone would following a crazed drill sergeant while eating incredibly restricted calories. But you cannot look away.

The Tyra Banks Show: Totally. They've finally figured out that an entire show about one topic can be interesting if (and only if) Tyra Banks continually pressures you to stick around and stay right there. Today's show was about fat people and Tyra wore a fat suit on blind dates with unsuspecting suitors. I wasn't sure what would happen next.

Isaac: He's rambunctiously annoying and false but somehow endearing, like a bawdy grandmother. Isaac just nakedly pretends to care about what he's talking about, or who he's talking to--and every single segment hangs on the complete possibility that Isaac might run out of time. Every time. Also, without warning and for no reason, every utterance, scripted or not, is about Isaac.


Well, that's about all the energy I can spend on this little TV project, since there's tons of more TV TV TV to watch watch watch watch, in the glow of the loveliest Christmas tree in all of Lincolnia Hills.

Question

Is fuck really still a bad word?


Seems like ass is OK now.

A Pre-Christmas Post for You and Yours

Like any card-carrying hipsterhater* (yes, there's a local near you) will tell you, ironic t-shirts are for retards. But, somehow these t-shirts really strike a chord with me, especially with their heavy reliance on puns. They seem more charming than, say, the Urban Outfitters shirts (recall: Voting's for Old People) or the Amber-crombie ones that say stuff like: "Who needs brains when you've got these" across the boob area.

Anyway, it's Christmas and I like this one. Isn't it the dumbest ever?

*Schaffer the Darklord says in his act that even a simple mention of the word hipster makes you one. His jist? That only people who are hipsters hate hipsters because motherfucking nonhipsters don't even know they exist. This bodes well for a lot of Dads and stuff out there.

The Facilities

I like it when THE FACILITIES is used as a placeholder for THE BATHROOM. But, I don't like when THE LOO or I'M GOING TO PARIS is used similarly.

Hi!

Freezing Fog?

Here in Seattle there's this phenonmenon known as freezing fog that occurs when it's fucking freezing outside and then there's some fog that rolls in. What can you do with fog? Hide, be obscured, get haunty.

I like the mental image of freezing fog, cuz it sort of makes me think that suddenly the freezing fog could emerge creating a giant ice wall.

BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

I Can't Believe No One Liked My Manicure

There. I said it.

Also, I'm totally going to make stamps of my own face, because I am just that kind of girl.

Ho hum. The 82nd most boring post of all time.

I Just Ate a Chestnut for the First Time

My thoughts:

'Tis the season, bitches! And, vaguely sweet and kind of pukey. Also, criminally soft!

This Great Book Is Headed to Broadway Now

I'm very interested in this adaptation.

Have Y'all Seen My New Manicure?

'Tis the season, fools!

This Book Is Really Good

Right Now it Is Snowing

Have I ever been at work while it snows outside. No! I've always lived in California.

THIS IS SO EXCITING!

The snow; the danger...
Wait! I did live in Massachusetts once. It snowed; I was at work.

Ho hum. Never mind.

But!

It's SNOWWWWING!

Like a blizzard. I expect panic to ensue soon. Does panic ever do anything but ensue? Does panic ever lope? What about meander? Does it ever loll about the house? That said, does loll ever do anything other than "about?" Does loll ever under? Panic Lolls Under the House.