Friday, October 01, 2004

Completely Debate Coverage-Free!

A couple things...one that made me mad and one that made me laugh. Let's start with the good news. Hopefully by the time I finish telling this story I won't even need to get into the bad story.

So, you might recall the fantasy I had about naming sushi restaurants really, really badly. You know, Rope Neck Sushi for instance. Well, looks like my dreams have come true, sort of. Not that there's a crazy new sushi restaurant or nothing BUT I spied a brand new nail salon opening up shop in my hood. Name: NAILS TIME! I love it already! NAILS TIME!

It was the best of NAILS TIME!
It was the worst of NAILS TIME!
These are the NAILS TIME! that try men's souls.
Women's?

I'm going to personally thank the Polk Street Chamber of Commerce!

And now friends, the shocking bad news. Riding the painfully crowded 1 California last evening, I was touched (TOUCHED!) inappropriately! OK so, here's what happened: Me, I'm standing there in the front of the bus with all my shit including these two really heavy books: The Complete Shakespeare Works and the Arcades Project (Just transporting them, for we all know I can't read) when this sort of drunkish person got on and squeezed my elbow in a too familiar way. Squeezed. Like he knew me. And then when he noticed I was glaring at him as strongly as I could, he smiled at me, in that sort of "hey there lady" kind of way. So, I sternly said, "You know...DON'T TOUCH ME." Which, yes, sounded a little crazy and a little schizophrenic, but I was pissed. Oh, but wait. This got him way more pissed than me. He started shouting at me that it was a crowded bus and that I shouldn't expect not to be touched and all and I just kept staring at him until he came up with...the ever original...is everyone ready???

JUST GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!

It was kind of exciting. I haven't heard that since 1987 in Levittown, NY when I was innocently riding bikes with my cousins.

Don't think I didn't win because I didn't say right there and then, "Oooh! So original." I feel that even though I was the better man (mute) my victory was telling in that he got right the fuck off the bus a stop later muttering that he wasn't going to take that shit...LANGUAGE!

So, friends, I've marked this day down as not only a great day in politics but ALSO as a day of atonement. On the bus.

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